This is a complicated one. This thing they call Abuja girl. I’m sure it’ll divide opinion, but what doesn’t these days.
Last weekend in the country’s capital, a female relative won’t hang with me. She didn’t give an outright No. The body language did. I don’t blame her one bit. It was for valid reasons. At least, that’s how I see it.
It was supposed to be an all-expense paid evening outing, in one of Abuja’s great spots. My good man Gabriel Adeyemo wanted to host me, and whomever I showed up with. He doesn’t do like my white friends. He pays for everything.
But my relative, a fine and charming fellow, continued to dither, till I got the memo. And off on my own I went. I was hurt. So bubbly a character, I rued the fact that she’d have coloured the night with her brilliance.
While seated at the venue, I’d begin to appreciate why she may have preferred to stay home. Gossips fly quicker than Edo airlines in that little town. Her boyfriend may know she was there even before we’d leave the venue that evening. There will be queries. Question and answer sessions. His friends might even say they saw her within inches of giving me fellatio.
You can take it personal if you want, but boys gossip like mad in that town. I’ve lived there, I know, and I can prove it. I remember being in a wine bar one day, and saw a lady drive into the building with a gleaming Beamer. She verbally obliterated this clueless looking dude with words. We just sat on the next table with one eye on the unfolding drama.
Dude had been boasting to his friends he slept with her. And on the same table another friend, whom I think has been on the heels of the same babe, just couldn’t wrap his head around it. He probably thought: How can? This boy wey I better pass knack this same babe wey don dey post me? Ayam not understanding! I guess that was when he picked up the phone and called the girl in question. Ol’ girl I suppose had to rush down there to clear her name.
Happened it was a ludicrous boast over a smash that never happened. The look on his face just told you he was a wretched liar. Made you wonder, why the lies? At that age? Alhaji shine congo finish, you wan come claim the knack? Is it good like that?
Brings me to the cream of the issue. Who is an Abuja girl? What is an Abuja girl? Why is the tag problematic? For starters, this term has a very pejorative connotation. To be seen as an Abuja girl is to encompass all that makes an average Nigerian guy flinch. Keyword: average.
She lives alone in a glam apartment, check. Drives a wicked whip, check. Looks elegant, check. Has original designer bags, check. Doesn’t look like she got a real job though, check. Hangs in the best spots in town, check. Has a couple of Alhaji’s and Senators as pals, check. Usually between 23 and 33, check. Less than 23 means not enough skills to navigate the terrain. Above 33 means competition becomes tougher as younger entrants get in on the action. This is a brief description though. You’ll have to pay me to extend the details.
But here’s the problem. Girls with real jobs, women who are professionals, who’ve got a bit of style and swagger of their own, once they hangout in some of these spots too, are purported to be Abuja girls. Hard to win in this case, except one would consider all that bull as water off a duck’s back. Problem is, if you are at the wrong end of 20, and everyone’s banging marriage on your head, you may damn well become a recluse than showing up anywhere one might find an “Abuja girl”. Your boyfriend’s or fiance's busy-body friends may just be watching. Their mouths run faster than Femi Adesina’s twitter fingers. Ordinary folks might even speak to you with much less courtesy. Terrible stuff.
So I called my relative up and said: I understand you nne m. Don’t blame you much, though I’m sure the smoked fish would’ve tasted better if we devoured it together, talking intelligent things in between. I just hope he appreciates you enough, and it’s all worth it.
mitterand okorie
Last weekend in the country’s capital, a female relative won’t hang with me. She didn’t give an outright No. The body language did. I don’t blame her one bit. It was for valid reasons. At least, that’s how I see it.
It was supposed to be an all-expense paid evening outing, in one of Abuja’s great spots. My good man Gabriel Adeyemo wanted to host me, and whomever I showed up with. He doesn’t do like my white friends. He pays for everything.
But my relative, a fine and charming fellow, continued to dither, till I got the memo. And off on my own I went. I was hurt. So bubbly a character, I rued the fact that she’d have coloured the night with her brilliance.
While seated at the venue, I’d begin to appreciate why she may have preferred to stay home. Gossips fly quicker than Edo airlines in that little town. Her boyfriend may know she was there even before we’d leave the venue that evening. There will be queries. Question and answer sessions. His friends might even say they saw her within inches of giving me fellatio.
You can take it personal if you want, but boys gossip like mad in that town. I’ve lived there, I know, and I can prove it. I remember being in a wine bar one day, and saw a lady drive into the building with a gleaming Beamer. She verbally obliterated this clueless looking dude with words. We just sat on the next table with one eye on the unfolding drama.
Dude had been boasting to his friends he slept with her. And on the same table another friend, whom I think has been on the heels of the same babe, just couldn’t wrap his head around it. He probably thought: How can? This boy wey I better pass knack this same babe wey don dey post me? Ayam not understanding! I guess that was when he picked up the phone and called the girl in question. Ol’ girl I suppose had to rush down there to clear her name.
Happened it was a ludicrous boast over a smash that never happened. The look on his face just told you he was a wretched liar. Made you wonder, why the lies? At that age? Alhaji shine congo finish, you wan come claim the knack? Is it good like that?
Brings me to the cream of the issue. Who is an Abuja girl? What is an Abuja girl? Why is the tag problematic? For starters, this term has a very pejorative connotation. To be seen as an Abuja girl is to encompass all that makes an average Nigerian guy flinch. Keyword: average.
She lives alone in a glam apartment, check. Drives a wicked whip, check. Looks elegant, check. Has original designer bags, check. Doesn’t look like she got a real job though, check. Hangs in the best spots in town, check. Has a couple of Alhaji’s and Senators as pals, check. Usually between 23 and 33, check. Less than 23 means not enough skills to navigate the terrain. Above 33 means competition becomes tougher as younger entrants get in on the action. This is a brief description though. You’ll have to pay me to extend the details.
But here’s the problem. Girls with real jobs, women who are professionals, who’ve got a bit of style and swagger of their own, once they hangout in some of these spots too, are purported to be Abuja girls. Hard to win in this case, except one would consider all that bull as water off a duck’s back. Problem is, if you are at the wrong end of 20, and everyone’s banging marriage on your head, you may damn well become a recluse than showing up anywhere one might find an “Abuja girl”. Your boyfriend’s or fiance's busy-body friends may just be watching. Their mouths run faster than Femi Adesina’s twitter fingers. Ordinary folks might even speak to you with much less courtesy. Terrible stuff.
So I called my relative up and said: I understand you nne m. Don’t blame you much, though I’m sure the smoked fish would’ve tasted better if we devoured it together, talking intelligent things in between. I just hope he appreciates you enough, and it’s all worth it.
mitterand okorie
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